Not Your Average Bella

underneath the christmas tree/...

2009-12-21T10:12:00.000-08:00

Things are better now. A lot better.

So all the whining and moaning is over. I think i have my best friend back, although im on tenderhooks.

my house is under a foot of snow. And well, i dunno. i feel a little secluded. missing out on thingssss.

But im loving this build up to christmas. i need new year plans. all i care about is that my lot are all together when the clock strikes twelve and i have someone to kiss :)
agree?

Lovesss... xoxo

Oopsy daisy you hurt me again

2009-12-20T10:24:00.001-08:00

You have to help me.

Before i break down in tears, i have to say, im finding this more difficult than the toughest of breakups.

Being so far away, and having little contact... is making me proper clam on certain..things. however, im pretty sure, well, not pretty in any sense, half sure things are gonna be ok again.

However, still gonna be a tough few days..

god i miss cuddling.

Xo

It aint what you do its the way that you do it.

2009-12-18T12:22:00.001-08:00

God, I really do miss him.

Its getting so stupidly serious. This is wreckin' my 'ead. =P
Anyway, im just gonna live and let die really. This is all stupid.
I just miss my best friend now, that's all.

The sooner things are back to the way they were the better. That's all im saying. Cos its hurting that nothings getting better. Sure, i miss what we were like, but i miss how we were before that too. i just want to snuggle down next to him in this freezing cold weather and laugh ourselves silly at ridiculous things.

Snowing here. Snowing for you?

Love, more love than ever.

R
xoxo

poo a duck... wait, what?

2009-12-16T00:58:00.000-08:00

I told you things wouldnt last forever.

He called it off last night didnt he? It was awful, i cried, i never cry at call-offs or break-ups or whatever this was. it was definately not in the least bit funny, and i feel like rubbish today, like ive actually been shot through the heart. to me, something so good shouldnt have ended so abruptly.

So im just going about my day, making sure i remember to breath in and out, and put one foot in front of the other. in a week maybe il just breath in and out without noticing again. Maybe.

And he said something, he was like "We'll just be like brother and sister when you come back. You are coming back arent you?" and i was thinking...well, do you want me here.

One thing i know i wont be able to do is seperate beds. i love his snoring, i love his rolling over into my face. Hmm.

he better not change anything between us other than the sinning thats for sure...

scared upset and confused is what i am.

if he reads this il kill him cos he promised not to.

Love

R xoxo

Its not quite this that i wanted

2009-12-14T09:38:00.000-08:00

Listening to: Looking Up- Paramore

Hey guys.
Sorry its been a while. Been trying to make Connor forget that i blog.
My God guys, its been a crazy week. But im not gonna go into it in detail.

So, sinning. Thats, kinda still active. Regularly. And its damaging my morals yeah, but it just...well its just, i kinda...love..it. But to be honest with you, im away from, the house of sin or whatever, for ....2 or 3 weeks. i go back the day after boxing day i think. but im not sure. Hmm. Who knows.

I get texts daily. As im home for christmas i dont really get to go through to sin town for a while. So we are in contact.. its cute. But, to be honest things WILL change, i know they will.

I miss them. I miss Ryan too. I really do.

Christmas. Christmas. Christmas. <3 Loves

If only he knew to be fair.

Honestly, can you believe, we crossed the world while its asleep?!

Love. confused. <3

R xoxo

Brand New Pyjamas Make The World A Better Place

2009-12-04T12:58:00.000-08:00

Well bloggers.

For the first time ever in any of my blogs we have a visitor as i sit and write. a mr Connor Wilson is sat behind me.

Lots to tell you.
Babysitting got me a fair few bob so im pretty chuffed. Few presents sorted out.

Ok so, superficial feeling type things. Sayyyy, i sinned like i did yeah? And sayyyy i sinned again, and again......and again. What would happen, no sorry, what would be your opinions and comments be on the fact that i may (or may not) feel that i have certain feelings for... things.. or people. *shifty eyes*

What if, what if i worked myself up into such a frenzy of guilt that i actually fogot that i was guilty in the first placed and sinned just to forget. Im not gonna lie. This is like a drug to me. You all have your vices, this is mine.

You have to help me. Love, lust, plain old sexual desire, i dunno. I just really really want things to be like this for as long as physically possible. On the QT obviously. This whole sinning thing wouldn't be worth it if anyone but you found out.

Help much appreciated.
Love

R
xoxo

Such a fool to love you..

2009-12-03T01:43:00.000-08:00

Well i proper wanna know what this Just Dance Wii game is like. Im not gonna lie to you all. Maybe im just mad. Hmm

Well readers, Christmas is coming and the geese are getting fat. And somehow, all i can think about, as i open my High School Musical advent calenda, is how ridiculously unprepared i am. I know what to get my boyfriend, my mum, my sister and her boyfriend, but i still need to think about my brother, my two best friends and connors mum... hmmm.

Any ideas would be really really lovely.

Im not exactly talkative today, but thats because i still have no voice. its been like this for almost two weeks... which is ridiculous. Hmm, what to do. Ive tried everything on offer to help me, but its not happening.

Again, any ideas?

So, as i sit here in my conservatory, looking out over the hills surrounding my house, some of which are topped with snow, i cant help but wonder how amazing christmas may be this year. As this year is a little more special than the others as my gorgeous boyfriend will be joining the festivities. Thats right, for the first time, i get to wake up next to someone and wish them Merry Christmas.

Question for the day -> when waking up on Christmas Day, what is the first thing you do? The very first thing.

:)

Love

R xoxo

so now ive started i need a rant

2009-12-01T06:03:00.000-08:00

What am i gonna do bloggers?

It may be that i have made the biggest mistake of my life that could mess up a lot of things for me and others around me. It could make so many things crumble down to the ground. but then again, if secret, could make me very very happy.

Make me skip again.

Make me smile from across a room.

Make everything better.

Maybe.

Well, who knows? Im gonna have to shut up about this situation now as SOMEONE knows my address that i dont want to.

Help me guys.

R xoxo

I Have A.... Situation

2009-12-01T05:57:00.000-08:00

Forgive me bloggers for i have sinned.

i cant tell you which sin so work it out for yourself.

So i was just wondering, is it ok to feel kinda bad but not completely and utterly guilty?
is it ok for there to be one complete and utter secret that you just cant tell a soul in your life?

if so, is it bad to wanna make it happen again?

Help me bloggers. In my eyes, i am an absolute idiot. i hate myself. in a way that only i can. but i love what i did and would not have a care in the world if it happened again. If however, someone found out it happened, i would not be a happy chappy at all.

Please, please help me.

Emails to my blog e-mail please.

Hugs

Roo
xoxo

this stupid love stuff

2009-12-01T02:29:00.000-08:00

This stupid love stuff is gay.

I havent been on my blog in a VERY long time.

So, i thought id make my blog a bit more regular, a bit more relevant. It'll be more like a diary for me. But it'll make for good reading. I'll talk about things that might be relevant to you too. we'll see.

So, a new post, a new set of friends. Who most definately need introducing.

Connor
We live together every other week. So he's kinda like a brother. It can sometimes be very complicated between us. But i'll never go into that. unless i really wanna. Connor has just well, a few weeks ago, broken up with his girlfriend sarah. But she is most definately irrelevant cos shes a daft little child who needs a good beating.

Emily
Emily is a fellow blogger but we never read each others. I see her or talk to her at least once a day and we tend to have a good giggle. Me, Emily and Connor seem to spend all of our time together. She's going out with another of our friends, Chris. Emily and I tend to spend a lot of time in Connor's bed (without Connor) with everything we will need for hours around us.. watching worlds strictest parents and stupid things like that.

Chris
Chris is way more relevant in my life tha Sarah. A definate sessioner in every sense of the word. But is an amazing friend too. He was in performance studies at college with me last year.. so we know each other quite well. We hung around in the same circle of friends a few months ago. And now he's with us lot. he's around a lot of the time.

Ryan
the more important of these lot. This is my boyfriend. Uncanny resemblance to Dobby from Harry Potter when he tries to be creepy. Calls me baba. almost 5months together now. Spending christmas with us this year. Really does mean the world to me. he can do my head in. but othertimes, most of the time, he's a beautiful, outrageous, intelligent man.

Ok so, thats it. Thats my lot.

Okaysss.. so, as of tomorrow or later on today depending on how much time i get, i will update you on things that are close to my heart, as well as whats going on with these guys.

At the moment? Im icing a cake that i made at 8.30 this morning because i was bored.

Love to you all.

Roo

Oops

2009-05-12T06:13:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was fab.

We spent the whole day literally just messing around. It wasn't just me & ben though, but seeing as it was his birthday, people wanted to hang around with him.

Anyway, i think i pushed the whole me and ben thing a bit too much. he hasnt spoken to me at all this morning. i mean, usually we have contact about 10 and then again at 12 and then at 2 and so on...

And that hasnt happened. he was supposed to be helping me with my general studies but he never text me :(

Whats going on??

Who knows to be honest.

Oh well, anyway, yesterday was fun. we just hung around town with his best friend and my matt. But matt took me to one side and was like, 'i know you like him, and he blatantly likes you too. He's treating you like a girlfriend already.' and i was all... 'erm, explanation.' and his answer was, 'the way you two act is like youve been together for months and months. you pass each other things without looking, you move out of the way when yu no the other one is behind you, you put your arms round each other when your walking, you hug each other after saying something mean. Its just so couply Roo, sort it.' So i was like...shit, i am actually in love with ben.

Oh my days.

Matts gonna help me apparently... i have no idea how but he is.

Anyway i gotta go eat. #

Might update later.

B. xoxo <3

Birthday Beatings

2009-05-11T03:15:00.000-07:00

ITS BENS BIRTHDAY

and he wants to go out to town with me this afternoon. Just me. Nobody else. ME

also, my cousing gave birth to a beautiful baby girl yesterday, Darcey Anne Maynard. Shes beautiful

This day just could not get better.

Updates later.

B xoxo

Ill!?

2009-05-08T00:01:00.001-07:00

THATS RIGHT.

I'm poorly. Very, very stomach-achey. Not fun. But i do have the day off college :) which makes things slightly better. Also, i may have Ben & Co. related visitors. And if i get better i'll be able to go out and then i'll be even happier.

Anyway, I feel like i should give you some kind of witty statement... hmmmm.

So, im looking at Prospectuses for uni and so far I LOVE Plymouth, Bath and Hallam. Chicester though, how needy are they?! They sent me 8 of the same prospectus! Blatantly a wicked and failing attempt to try to take over my doorstep and therefore MAKE me attend Chicester university. This is not going to happen. They dont even do my course. Silly Chichy.

Ive just decided. Special day today folks. Due to the not going to college. I am going to update my blog at least 3 times today. Depending on how events go... xD

Loving it.
Feeling better already.

B. xoxo

Explanation much?

2009-05-07T12:32:00.001-07:00

BEN

Thought i better explain myself cos' i can hear the tuts a mile off. "Rowan, not another one." Shut up, let me explain.. xD

I met Ben first December '08 at a cash machine. Random i know. We just struck up conversation. Anyway, we lost contact for a long long time and then re-met in February. I ended up going out with his best friend for 2 weeks. But we were the strangest couple ever. and he freaked me out and did my head in. DUMPED.

Ok, so Ben. I got with him a week after i dumped archer (said best friend) but that whole situation is forgotten. We were cheating ...and very, very drunk.

But i spent the day with him today, and it was amazing. Him, and his two best friends, who are equally as fantastic, just without the charm. We had no time alone, but thats good because i would of had a thrown-myself-at-him moment. which is NEVER fun. Learn from my mistakes kiddywinks, NEVER think that throw-at-him tactics are gonna get you anywhere. Definate no-go.

But maybe we're just friends and im reading too much into it. But we'll never know. Cos' i dont think i could EVER do anything about it. Unless he makes first move. <3

Also, STAR TREK MOVIE. SO GOOOOD. i definately could watch that over & over. New trekkie guys. How cool am i? Saw it today, advance screening in the wonder that is the Darlington Odeon, Screen 1. Sat in the seat where i had my first EVER kiss xD

Also, MaybeBabeyyy has asked me via my blog-email [rowzabb@hotmail.co.uk, if you wanna ask me anything, or just fancy a chat, gimme a buzz] to ask a few questions. And here they are, answered.

1. What do you listen to when you write this?
- Differs from day to day. Usually something like DANCE by Justice, Better off alone, or something generally happy. :)

2. Exactly what happened with Mike?
-I dont usually talk about it. But he forced me into things i didnt wanna do. then, when i stood my ground, got with a new girl at a party, right in front of me...silly.

3. What do you study?
-Media, Performance studies, Psychology and Englsih Language

4. Whats with the change in blog from your old-old one?
-I got hacked. hence the random last entry.

5. Do you write anything else?
-Not at the moment, might bring a new witty-banter, not about me type blog... but not until summer. Sorry folks.

6. How many hits do you get per blog?
-About 230 usually. Obviously the regulars, plus people just passing through.

Ok, so Q&A's answered...

And im really tired...

Off to bed..

Talk tomorrow..

B xoxo

Fighting is silly..xo

2009-05-07T11:25:00.000-07:00

Fighting....again.

Thats right, me and matt are officially not together...nor are we fighting like we are. We are now just plain mean to each other. STUPID.

And tbh, i dont really mind, i mean, all good things & that... we were tiring of each other.. xD

but now there is Ben <3
And he is lovely, and funny, and ridiculously cute, and polite, clever, sarcastic to a good point, good-looking and yeah. Rambling.

Loving him by the way.
Ok, well, not love...but its close.

Out for today, a tad busy.

Roo xoxo

Bella who now?!

2009-05-06T09:40:00.000-07:00

a lots changed in the last few months... hell, in the last year...

I am no longer with Mike. HE GOT WITH ANOTHER GIRL IN FRONT OF ME!

Anyway, im not even gonna, ew.

Ok, so the past year. Where do i start?

There was hannan, he wasnt really an anything... he was just there.
Then there was Matt, and truth be told, I loved him more than i ever loved a single thing. We broke up cos he was a bit... still liking his ex. But we still talk a lot and we're besties. :)

Tbh, me and matt still have some kind of emotional tie but we wont go there.

Today we had our first, maybe we should stop doing what we're doing talk. It was not fun. I hate awkward silences. When before i used to love the feeling of a silence...when yu know that someones thinking about what to say to make them love you more...

So, looks like im not the Bella Swan that i once was.

Or rather, i am, just not actively. 'Cos i can still love that one person who has that amazing hold on me and i dont even care.. i just havent found him yet. Or i probably have, and i just havent realised. I want that scared but in an amazing way feeling.

Ooh, im now at college, loving it. New best friends. Sarah & Matty [Not the same matty, he's matt] and matt obviously. They are my world. Other wonders include ben archer vince beth sian anna and sophie :)

Im'a sort it guys.

Loves.

B.
xoxo

The Beginning

2008-07-24T09:30:00.000-07:00

I AM BELLA. At least, tha's what people tell me. Anyone read Twilight, and all the others? Well, that's who i am. Bella Swan. It's just a given fact.

"You're protective, naive and just plain stupid." That's all the explanation i get.

But i've started this blog as more of a diary of events, as my life has just gotten interesting. For the first time, i've had someone show an interest in me and its great.

I thought i'd tell you a bit about me in my first entry.

Im Rowan. Im 15 [almost 16.] And i live in England with my mum. I write and sing songs. I fall in love way to easily. And i love my friends mre than anything.

I have a fairf ew main characters in my life. So here's the first few.

My mum. She's called Lesley. We'll just call her L. She lives with me and has suffered from depression for the last 2years but she is recovering now.

Mike. Let's call him M. He's the boyfriend. And he's perfect.

Helen. H. She's awesome. in small ammounts. , anymore than the stated dose and you die.

Sophie. Bainbridge. B. I fell in love with her. at least i thought i did. Im still not sure about the truth of that matter.

Stef. S. Wacky but we love her.

Other characters are Kerry, Greg, Tara & Emma